Wow. For only being a couple of months into 2014, it has sure been an emotional one! New studio, loss of relationships (rather destructive ones, the more I think of it), gaining new family/friends and evaluating my career path. There isn’t much in my life currently that isn’t worth celebrating (or crying) about! When times get tumultuous like this, I often fall into a deep depression. I cry, I isolate myself, I sleep and I’m an all around miserable person to be around. I recently felt myself wanting to slip into old, bad habits. This time I was determined not to let it happen again. My kids and husband depend on me. My family and clients rely on me too. I just can’t mentally “give up” every time I’m rejected by people that I have (unknowingly) placed on a pedestal. I have to snap out of it! “Stop being stupid (LB)! It’s time to take your life and the power you gave these people back!” But then again, this is merely a desire. I’m not all “big balls” all of the time, even though I appear like I am to everyone else. I’m actually pretty sensitive. Especially when it comes to relationships involving women.
So, there I was in bed, willing myself to get up and get ready for another day at the office. The grind. It’s truly been just that for several months. So much drama with people at work. So stupid. I just want to be happy and unfortunately for my psyche, that involves getting along with EVERYONE at work. Silly and unreasonable, possibly, but that is how my mind works.
I get up, shuffle to the bathroom and start showering. Do you ever notice that when you are in the shower, your mind just totally floats? Like, sometimes I’m so deep in thought I actually feel like I’m dreaming. No joke. Must be the heat and the stream of the water hitting my backside that does it, because when I’m in the rain room I am as calm, yet surprisingly insightful, as a Hindu cow.
While I stood there in the shower, the water pelting the back of my hair, I started to think about things. The stress at work and the stress and frustration of losing a good friend. I started to motivate myself, and anger myself, with my own words. Yes, I talk to myself. What’s wrong with that? Someday you may very well be the only one left in your life. You better get used to the sound of your own voice, and more importantly, like what you hear. I told myself, “Screw this.” “Why can’t they understand me?” “Am I really all of those things these people say I am?” “I’m done. They don’t exist. I can’t change them; I can only control me.” I began feeling myself tense up and I wanted to cry. Then I out of blue, without warning, I thought (not speak), “Well, there are clearly things or people in my life that make me sad. So, let’s be positive. What do I love? What brings me happiness?!” So, I started spouting things off; I just listed things that put a smile on my face. So, without further ado, here is a list of things that make me happy:
(1) Starbucks (that seriously was the first thing I thought of. Specifically, a tall non-fat cappuccino with two pumps mocha. How sad! Ha!)
(2) My children. They are so silly and crazy and wonderful. Such a blessing.
(3) My husband. While we drive each other crazy sometimes, I don’t know what I would do if he ever gave up on me. Love that man.
(4) My Sisters. We may not always agree but we have each other’s backs and I can’t imagine growing old and spending the rest of my days without my sisters by my side.
(5) My dad. He’s something else. (“Daddy”. Enough said)
(6) Ballet. Ahhh duhhhhh! I will never regret giving myself a chance on a sport I may never be the best at. Who cares! It’s so fun!!
(7) Horror movies. Any kind will do. Even “B” movies. I’m a sucker for gore, what can I say?
(8) My mothers. I have two that come to mind. They deserve my heart and they definitely have deserved a place on my list of people that make my life complete.
(9) Cheesecake. Boom.
(10) Video games. Double Boom.
(11) Novelty tees. I don’t know what is wrong with me lately but I just can’t get enough. I recently went to Walmart and purchased an Ironman and a Call of Duty shirt. I’m obsessed with both. Sue me.
(12) Wine. Red wine. I never met an Australian I didn’t like. Hold on……(gulp). Ahhhhhhh. Delicious.
(13) Cuckoo Clocks. I currently have 5. Yes. I am the crazy clock lady. I’m not ashamed. They are glorious.
(14) Physical fitness. If it means it will help me to kick ass, I’m in. Fitness is awesome. There is nothing better then knowing you can out wrestle someone; even though they may have no intention in being in a match with you. Coupled with the fact I am pocket sized and can still wrestle outside my weight class – yeah. Fitness did that for me. Ha!
(15) Listening to peepers outside my window in the spring. I have a pond in my backyard and every April/May the sound of frogs fills the evening air. So relaxing. And awesome.
(16) Going to the movies and consuming copious amounts of popcorn. I just love a big screen and that bucket of buttery, salty goodness. I could watch a turd dry on a sidewalk if it is done while sitting in a theater with a bucket of corn. It’s amaze-balls what that setting can do to a film, even if it’s shit. Literally.
(17) Taking summer walks with my kids, husband and dogs. That’s all we do in the summertime. We take bread and feed the fish in the ponds, because they are trained to come to the edge and eat. So fun. Oh yeah – don’t forget to skip rocks! My husband is a pro. If there was an Olympic sport he would qualify and win silver. Yeah. I’m trying to me reasonable on his prospects for gold. The Chinese are probably prepping their young hopefuls as we speak. The mere mention of a way for their country to superior in something, even remotely, insights them to work harder.
(18) Winning a hearing or a trial. It usually involves being super prepared (which is all of the time) + getting my argument down without a verbal flub (I say a lot of big medical terms. They are all tongue twisters!) + nothing goes wrong. That is a recipe for success.
(19) Buffalo Chicken dip. Omg. Just google it. You won’t be sorry. I promise.
(20) Shopping. Whether it be at the Limited (favorite store) or for shoes – there is nothing like the high I get from purchasing an awesome outfit and then displaying it for all to see! Splendid!
That’s my top 20. Honestly, I felt happy writing this post (well, the list part). I thought of those things and I instantly felt wonderful! Like I have so much to be grateful for!
So here is the challenge for all of my readers. Make a list of all of the things that make you happy. You don’t have to explain why; just list your top 20 happy triggers and make a blog post about it. Spread the word. Your happiness can be defined by things and people and when you are feeling down, just list them in your head! Or if your me, say them out loud like a GD crazy person! Let us spread the word of positive mental reinforcement! I want to see how far we can take this.
Please, challenge yourself today. Challenge yourself to be happy!