Tag Archive | dance class

Doubles. Clean Doubles.

Yes. Yes. I know. I’ve been a little vacant lately. I’m a busy, little lady. Kids. Work. Husband. Parents. In-laws. Illnesses. It’s enough to drive a sane woman cray-cray. Or just crazy. Depending on your mood.

I was inspired to post because this evening’s class was very eventful. In many different ways.

The bad news – I started feeling an aching pain in my left calf. Did I injure my calf? No. My lower back injury had been officially aggravated. Oh yes. I know the difference. My back is “junk” (as my good friend describes a chronic injury) and that, is that. I was feeling pretty shitty about it in the beginning of class. Just a little (constant) reminder that my body isn’t what my desire wants anymore. I don’t recover from injuries overnight. Sprains are not fleeting. I have to wait for my body to decide to do what is wants to do. And it’s depressing.

But then the “good” happened.

I landed (consistently, mind you) clean double pirouettes during class tonight. For all of you real ballet enthusiasts, you know what a “clean double” means and for those who don’t, it means staying in passé en releve until the movement has been completed. It sounds easy, but it isn’t. When you cannot do a single cleanly, you fall out of the passé too soon. Same with the double. Or even a triple! (Dream on LB). Regardless, when you do a clean single or double? You know it. It feels different. Yes. It feels….exquisite. Perfect. Beautiful. It just feels right.

So guess what? I did a lot of clean doubles tonight. Albeit they were mainly on my left, but they were clean. So clean that my normally rigid instructor said that the class had a good turn night. And when I was performing my left doubles, everyone was watching. I knew it. And I didn’t falter. Booooooom. If made me so happy. Regardless of my aching lower back, I felt accomplished.

It was a good day.

And that is the end of my post. 😘

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Back to Reality

After a LONG evening of traveling, the legal ballerina and her respective clan is finally back home, and also (unfortunately), back to reality.  I woke up and went to the grocery store.  We were out of everything and I will be damned if I was going to feed my children any more fast food this week.  Their DNA is practically made out of sugar, french fries and ice cream by this point.  On the ride over to the store I checked my messages.  11 missed calls. Not too shabby.  Luckily for me I have a “Gi-Normica”, paralegal extraordinaire, and also a legal clerk (who was my former assistant and recently took the bar exam) who managed my practice while I was away.  Shout out to Gi-Normica! WHOOT WHOOT!

I also (reluctantly) hopped on the scale this morning, and despite all of the walking I did, I gained 2 pounds since I left.  UG.  I know what you are thinking, “You are complaining about gaining 2 pounds?  Really?  Get your head out of your ass LB.”  Well, you may be singing a different tune if you had to wear spandex in front of teenagers who don’t even know what cellulite is let alone have any.  Plus, for those who really know me, know that I suffered from an eating disorder that debilitated me for years and has been lingering in the background ever since.  Don’t worry! I have it under control, but once you have an eating disorder you always have it.  You never lose that sence of betrayal with food and the feeling associated with weight and image.  The Disorder is always waiting for you to slip back into your compulsive ways.  So, in order to keep my thoughts in check, I monitor my weight in a healthy way.  I eat, but I am always on a “diet.”  When I was on vacation, I didn’t really think about it too much.  I had my break and now it’s back to “work”, so to speak.

First thing I ate was lunch (I slept in this morning – I never eat breakfast on the weekends and I am treating today like a Sunday.)  Lunch consisted of my husband’s super-duper-mega-awesome protein shake.  I love making my own protein shakes and my husband has practically perfected the art.  These shakes are hearty and acts as the perfect meal substitute.  I try to eat one a day and they seem to help me keep my weight in check.  My current favorite is a Peanut Butter Banana Smoothie.  Here is the recipe, for those who are so inclined:

(1) Frozen banana (I keep them in the freezer at all times); (1) Scoop of protein powder (vanilla or chocolate will do); (1) Tablespoon of honey (if you don’t like honey or don’t have any, just leave it out); (1) Packet of sugar substitute; (1) Tablespoon of natural peanut butter; A handful of almonds (they can be raw, salted or even cinnamon will do); 1/4 cup of instant oatmeal; and (2) cups of skim milk.  Throw that concoction in a blender until smooth and BAM.  Deliciousness awaits your trembling pallet.

For dinner, I made pot roast. I normally don’t like to consume large hunks of beef that isn’t ground and not stuck inside a taco or made into a patty, but today was an exception. The weather is cooling down and the leaves are starting to turn.  Fall is here in Ohio and I love it!  Who doesn’t like a slow cooked roast on a cool, crisp autumn evening?!  Plus, roasts can be pretty healthy, if you make it right.  I don’t know how this dinner will turn out, but I am usually happy with all of the recipes I get from allrecipies.com.

Tomorrow – ballet class!  I am so excited to get back to practicing.  I am hopeful that the brief time away from stretching and practicing will help my body continue to get strong and grow as a dancer.  I will let you know how it goes.  Tonight, I am practicing and stretching at home.  I have all evening to do this, so I am going to take my time.

Ahhhh – home.  How I missed thee.  🙂

Uplifted

It is strange how one day can change your perspective on things.

(1) I apologize for the “woe is me” blog post yesterday.  I was having a case of the Mondays or a lady moment or something. It’s a girl’s prerogative, am I right?

(2) I am grateful to have supportive friends in all of this. Some days you need to put your problems in perspective by hearing what they sound like from a third-party.  I not only have an assistant, but “Gi-normica” (that is what I really call her – she is as tall a tree!) has become a true friend.  I pay her not only to do my legal bidding, but to also listen to my problems.  Sorry! It’s a package deal!

(3) The General has helped putting my discouragement in perspective as well.  She reminds me I am a beginner and EVERYONE was struggling in the class yesterday.  She asked “Didn’t you notice?” and I responded, “No.  I was focused on my own misery.”  She said that I am still learning, and unfortunately, I will have more bad days than good.  Ok.  Point taken.

Thanks everyone. I feel much better.  🙂

Now – on to vacation!!!!!

Dance Funk

I am going on vacation in three days.  Where, you may ask?  Well, to the happiest place on earth?! Disney Land.  I am so excited to go. I am so excited to take my kids there.  I haven’t been on vacation in two years.  I want to spend quality time with my family.  I am super pumped.

Given this, I also wanted my last class before leaving for vacation to be a solid one.  Much to my dismay, the opposite had happened.  I had such a crap-filled class it makes me want to puke.  But this was no average class.  Nope, the General wanted us to do EVERY movement, exercise and combination away from the bar.  That was a true first for me and holy cow did it suck.  The warm up was a total mess.  I was so focused on balancing that it felt like I couldn’t complete anything strong.  Ug.  I almost fell over on a couple moves.  Double Ug.  Once that misery was over, we did grand battements (with lunges, thank God) but it felt ridiculous.  TRIPLE Ug. Then, we did center combinations.  Fine.  I can do that.  Combinations usually do not require a bar anyway, right?  Well, the General is really pushing for the fouettes.  Luckily, I am not the only one in class who is still in the learning stage of fouette turns.  However, even the 9-year-old in the class can land a pretty one.  I am sorry, but that made me feel like such crap.  On top of all that – I practiced pointe the night before and I was sore.  At first I was proud of myself for working that hard by myself.  In the end it may have back fired, because tonight I felt like a failure.

There I was, sitting in the back of the class, practicing these movements over and over and feeling like a total loser all-the-while.  All I could do was think negatively.  “Why are you doing this?  These girls have true potential.  You are 33 (about to be 34 in a couple of weeks, gulp) and you will never, ever, be any good.  I stretch every day, but I still struggle to get into a split.  I have a chronic injury to my left hamstring that prevents me from doing anything strenuous on my left side, even though it is my stronger leg.  I will never be as good, I will never be as flexible, I will never be natural at ballet…..At least, that is how I feel sometimes.

When will I stop feeling like a poser?  When will I feel like I truly belong (anywhere)?  Why can’t I just “do”?  I still have a hard time telling anyone that I take ballet and it is my passion.  I don’t feel like I have earned the title yet.  I am still just a “poser”.

All I wanted was to have a good class before I take a break from dance for one week and all I got was a dance funk (and a lousy tee-shirt).

Big, super-duper, frowney face.